There is a universal human emotion that is particularly acute in modern, western society, and that emotion is loneliness, in particular, romantic loneliness. There are countless ways to “reach out” to other human beings, many of which, ironically, do not require social interaction. However, that being said, the desire to connect with other human beings, to be understood, and to enjoy physical and emotional intimacy is deeply rooted within us, and is a natural, inherent longing. A perhaps over-used concept has been tossed about, within song lyrics, self improvement strategies, and the like, which is “you can not find love until you love yourself” which may prove to be a rather grand idea for some, especially those caught up in the hurry and hustle of the western world, where we all too often are intrinsically entwined within unhealthy eating habits, therefore linked to poor self image/obesity, frantic professional deadlines, and patterns of continued resentment and anger.
What if upon exploring dating websites, or navigating blind dates through mutual acquaintances, you decide that maybe you are not cut out for love? That perhaps it is not in the cards for you, because you have tried, and nothing seems to stick. You are disillusioned, and not only on or around Valentine’s day, but on most days. For both women and men, gay or straight, these hopeless and frustrating feelings of despair and disconnection may result in a variety of behaviors, ranging from promiscuity to isolation, to settling within a romantic situation that is less than ideal or even abusive.
What if the answer to your love dilemma was as simple as learning how to breathe correctly? Does that sound absurd or ridiculous? Whether or not that idea gives you pause, consider for a moment that your romantic success could be being thwarted simply because you are breathing badly. Yes, your drive to be understood, appreciated, and kindred with other human beings may be realized through attention to what yogis have known for thousands upon thousands of years, that our breathing is intimately and absolutely connected to our autonomic nervous system and therefore to our minds, and that the unlocked and uncluttered power of our minds is unprecedented with regards to laws of attraction and to healing. As an example, it is not unheard of anymore that many hospitals and medical institutions are now invested in training patients in breath regulation.
So what is the diaphragm? The diaphragm is a large muscle that exists horizontally across the base of your rib cage. Envision a spherical serving plate, that has been flipped upside down, and rests just inside your lower rib cage. Your diaphragm is in the front, and is connected along the sides of your lower ribs, and also travels along your back. When you use your diaphragm for breathing, as a result, there is barely any motion in your lower abdomen, and your chest remains peaceful and still.
This is ideal, and a tremendous part of all ancient and widely accepted meditative practice. Before you allow yourself to become automatically skeptical or adverse to concepts of meditation, (when you believed you were simply finding out how to date successfully..! ) remember that nearly ALL programs or methods geared towards romantic success, WILL involve some sort of introspection of one’s character, even if only for the purpose of creating one’s “profile” for potential suitors to peruse.. therefore it’s unavoidable for you to dodge the beneficial elements of calm self evaluation for the purpose of change. Therefore, please open your mind to allow further discussion of diaphragmatic breathing..
Diaphragmatic breathing, then, once understood, should be simple to toss in as habit, if it’s not already in place, right? However, this is not so, because in modern western society, we indulge in stress-filled lives, and subsequently learn bad breathing habits, using the abdomen and the chest, instead of our diaphragms, to take essential deep breaths. This type of frenzied breathing, instead creates more tension, which then places us in a ruthless cycle of toxic mental chatter, encouraging bad breathing and breeding overall physical strain. This “bad breathing”, in short, causes problems within your mind because it must navigate unbalanced territory, undernourished.
The key towards solving the broad subject of accepting one’s self, (“loving oneself”) enough to feel attractive within, and therefore to feel attractive enough as a whole to consider love as a viable, attainable, and deserved goal, is to REMOVE breathing irregularities.
Cultivating correct breathing patterns and working on your breath, ultimately helps your mind. The simple and lovely fact is: if you eradicate your breathing aberrations, there will be extraordinarily beneficial rewards for your mind as well. When your breath adjusts itself as an entity that is easy, effortless, continuous (without interruption), steady, and inaudible, the mind follows the example, and also becomes calm and serene. The body follows suit, and enjoys a state of peaceful balance. This fused state is an attractive place to be.
Thus, the body, breath, and mind are melded with one another, connected by the rhythmic pattern of soothing deep breaths. Remember, if there are stops and starts, shallowness, pauses, and clatter in your breathing pattern, these obstructions are caused by your mind. Your breath and body do exactly what your mind tells them to do. Quite simply, they cannot operate without following the precise directions from your mind. So if your breathing has imperfections, there is a simple explanation: The existing and ultimately toxic complications within your mind are creating those blockages and problems, which in turn actualize dilemmas within your introspective and interactive life.
When you realize this inherent mind body connection, and become aware that through mindful repetition, and practice, you can actually feel and see the grand calming results from such simple and small actions, like breathing as if each single intake and exhalation held the key to your heart’s connection to other human beings who share a common struggle, then the exercise or practice of deep breathing may not seem so foolish. In fact, it may shift into feeling like a deeper and wonderfully meaningful spiritual adventure, with you as the bold and brave explorer, at the helm of yet untold bounty and wonder. Pretty exciting travel, as it turns out.
Lastly, as you approach the edge of the metaphorical diving board (your heart’s leaping sojourn) it is essential to remember not to become angry or to blame anything or anyone for your current heart state, be it lonely or desperate, even rich or fulfilled. A hopeful element of understanding the simplicity of obtaining balance and peace through one’s breath regulation, is this: You are continuously able to start over! You are free to begin again, with each new precious moment, with every rejuvenating breath. Whatever romantic life you have right now, has all been compiled bit by bit from your past (questionable?!) choices. YOU have made your prior decisions, and YOU are the one responsible for YOUR present life. But don’t fret. Rather, delight in the experience. It can become a beautiful exercise to embrace the details of your life; To accept it, and to Start Changing It! Each positive evolution begins with acceptance, so go ahead and expand your existing horizons far enough to invite in a Full Breath of Romance…You deserve it!
This article is written by Beth Faherty for Mind Power World: http://www.MindPowerWorld.com